The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
