I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
