Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
