Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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