my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
