That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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