Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
