What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
