I wish i was in the wii world.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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