i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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