If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
