I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
