So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
