Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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