If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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