Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
