Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
