The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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