the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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