I wish I only lived at night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
