There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
