The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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