If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
