Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
