I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
