And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize