She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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