Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
