i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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