The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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