worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
