i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize