I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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