Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
