At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
