I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
