made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
