if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
