High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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