I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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