can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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