we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
