pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
