Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You did what with his pubic hair?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
