Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
