Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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