So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
