Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
