Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
