the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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