you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
