I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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