I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
