Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
