what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
