whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sext me about skeletons
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
