I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
