at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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