ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
