I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
how drunk are you?
Several
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
