Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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