you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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