Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
