I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
