they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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