from now on my penis is your penis
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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