I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
