I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
