my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
