What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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