A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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