i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
