she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
