Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
