he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
