well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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