YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
