how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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