just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
