Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
